Back when I had Jackson in 2006, I gave breastfeeding a shot. It didn't last long, about six weeks. I was a younger mom, it was my first baby, and I went back to my nannying job when Jackson was just four weeks old. Between the serious lack of sleep for the first time in my life, as well as the stress of leaving my one month old with family Monday through Friday so that I could go and be with someone Else's kids, I gave up. (I also had a very long and trying birth, ending in a C-Section). Formula became my best friend and worst enemy all in the same day. It was so so easy to prepare bottles in advance and have anyone else feed him, It was my best friend. Jackson had horrible reflux and the formula was hard on his stomach and he spit up constantly, not to mention it is SO damn expensive, It was my worst enemy.
When I was pregnant with Cooper I had two main goals in mind, Avoid a C-Section at all costs and give nursing another shot. I ended up with another C-Section(thanks to my kids for jumping rope with the umbilical cord while they cook). So I kind of went off of the deep end with the idea of nursing. I had not avoided surgery and felt a bit like a failure. I felt like I HAD to do it in order to make up for my unattained goal. This might sound crazy. but i really wanted the experience of having my child enter the world how God intended him to. Now I will never have the chance, but that's another Oprah.
Lucky for me Cooper Came out Looking for the boobies. I mean I was in recovery all doped up from surgery and the nurse comes in with my baby and I hold him for the first time. Two minutes later she's telling C.J. to remove my gown so I can feed the baby! I could barely hold the kid, how did she expect me to feed him? It didn't matter, Cooper did all of the work(besides C.J. holding him for me), and that was that.
Since Cooper's birth I have been his main source of nutrition, AKA his milk maid. He and I do our thing between five and ten times in a day and sometimes just as a pacifier. I have a new found guilt that i struggle with... I want to quit. That's not the whole truth, I love the "Value" of breast milk for my baby. It's the best thing for him and it's free. I don't have to listen to C.J. bitch about how much one can of formula costs and how much "I" could save in our budget for the year. But no one ever told me about the amount of time, energy, support, and shear will it takes to breastfeed. I mean it's a constant duty that I thought would have become second nature by now. It has not. I do feel badly that I feel this way, but I'm sure there are others who share my guilt. Although we started Cooper on one formula bottle a day last week, it's not the change in routine I had hoped for. I give some serious credit to the moms out there who somehow nurse for a year or longer( I could never and would never do it for that long). I set a goal of six months and hope to get there. We are half way along and going strong. But really I wish someone would have told me that it doesn't just become easy one day, and that you really do have to work at it. To all the little babies, Cheers! To all the strong mama's, Moooooo!
